In my “day job” over at Plugged In, (Focus on the Family’s media review website), I see lots of movies. Over the last year, I’ve had the privilege of reviewing quite a few films that I walked out of afterward saying something like, “Man, that was a good movie.” And I know my other colleagues at Plugged In felt the same way. More so than any year in recent memory, 2011 was full of films that were aesthetically mesmerizing, emotionally engaging and packed with positive, inspirational messages.
And it turns out the folks behind the Academy Awards apparently feel pretty much the same way.
Earlier this week, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences unveiled its slate of Oscar nominees for this year’s Academy Awards (which ABC will televise on Sunday, Feb. 26, for those of you who want to set your TiVo really early). Compared to some of the grim, nihilistic and existentially bankrupt fare the Academy has nominated for its top award recently — I’m thinking of films like Black Swan last year, as well as The Departed, No Country for Old Men and Atonementin the two or three years before that — this year’s list is both upbeat and, for the most part, accessible to a wide audience.
For example, only one film this year, George Clooney’s The Descendents is rated R (and I'll talk more about that in a moment). Comparatively, six of the 10 nominees last year earned that restrictive rating.
Thematically speaking, there are some other common threads worth noting as well. A number of the films this year deal with poignant stories about family. Hugo and Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close, for instance, both emphasize the importance of fathers when young boys in each of those films lose theirs and struggle mightily to make sense of their worlds after the fact. And speaking of dads, three other films focus a great deal on the struggles — and critical importance — of fathers: The Descendents, Moneyball and Tree of Life.
As I mentioned above, The Descendents is the only R-rated film on the list, primarily for some harsh language. Even so, George Clooney's portrayal of a dad struggling to raise his two daughters after his wife suffers a massive head injury and slips into a coma is deeply moving stuff. Honestly, I thought it was one of the most compelling portraits of a family grappling with real-world issues (loss, infidelity, substance abuse, poor communication, showing affection) that I've seen in a long time. As for Moneyball (a story about a maverick baseball manager) and Tree of Life (a story about the legacy of a flawed-but-loving father's influence on his children), well, both of those films starred Brad Pitt in moving roles as dads striving to balance the tricky tension between career and family.
Still another trio of films, the silent offering The Artist, Martin Scorsese's Hugo and Woody Allen's Midnight in Paris all take sentimental looks (in different ways) at the golden years of the cinema early in the 20th century.
Oscar's final two Best Picture picks, The Help and War Horse, each deliver moving, heartfelt stories about perseverance and overcoming ... in two very different contexts. The Help tells the story, courtesy of a feisty young white journalist, of African-American maids' secret lives and their struggle for dignity. Meanwhile, Steven Spielberg's latest effort, War Horse, invites us to glimpse the horrors of World War I from the unlikely perspective of a heroic equine protagonist.
As always, I'd recommend checking out Plugged In's reviews before seeing any of these films, as several (especially The Descendents) include content you may want to consider carefully ahead of time. Still, compared to virtually any of Oscar's Best Picture collections recently, we're happy to report that 2011 was a banner year at the multiplex.
So what about you? Which of these movies, if any, did you see this year that moved you deeply?
This morning I was reading Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) and came upon a series of verses that have been messing with me. Perhaps they will mess with you, too.
In the middle of His sermon, Jesus brings up prayer and teaches His followers to not be like the hypocrites who pray in public places merely to be seen by others. Then He gives a specific instruction: “But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you” (Matthew 6:6). This is an interesting request with a very real promise.
In the following verses, Jesus gives His followers the Lord’s Prayer (6:9-13) and continues with fasting. Like His advice on prayer, Jesus says not to make it a show. Jesus clearly explains prayer and fasting are not to be done for the sake of reputation, but for a reward from the Father. Look at the similarity: “But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you” (6:17-18).
Jesus takes for granted His followers will be regularly praying and fasting (also in John 5:33-39). And His emphasis seems to be on keeping it secret. Jesus says if we pray and fast to be praised by others that will be the extent of our reward. But if we fast and pray in secret, God will reward us.
Jesus is teaching all Christians to keep running secrets with the Lord. We should all enter into times of secret fasting and prayer. My sense is that this is not the way things are. I believe very few set aside regular times for private prayer and fasting, and this can only result in a lack of reward.
Throughout the long history of God and His people, there have been many times of public fasting and prayer, too. First Samuel, Ezra, Nehemiah, Esther, Daniel and Acts all include times when God’s people fasted and prayed corporately. When we read about the early days of the church in Acts, they were constantly praying and fasting together. Paul fasted for the three days following his conversion on the Damascus Road. The early churches often fasted before sending out missionaries and selecting leaders. Like them, we should restore the exercise of humbling ourselves before the living God and asking Him to do the impossible.
I wish more pastors and leaders were calling God’s people to fast about the tragedies of our day. We should pray and fast, both privately and corporately, to end abortion, human trafficking, pornography, abuse and many other sinful institutions that exist. This was an automatic reflex of the early church. Prayer and fasting changes things, as John Piper puts it: “The Bible is also crystal clear that you have not because you ask not — had you asked, the universe would have been different.” How many of the catastrophes of our day still exist because God’s people are not on their knees, fasting and praying?
I'm excited about this week's show. I'm also excited about an upcoming trip to Disneyworld, but that's another post for another time. This week's show has me pumped up because we're talking frankly about stuff that is in the news and at the front of our minds.
And we're not pulling any punches.
You may be used to Boundless telling you what to do, and you may be comfortable with us hashing and rehashing some of our dyed-in-the-wool principles. Well, this week we're asking you to think. And weigh opinions. And go to your Bible. And discuss these ideas here, with your friends, at your church and beyond. Because we're not going to give you any ironclad answers. Have fun!
Church for Men -- 00:00
When Martha first handed me David Murrow's"Where Have the Men Gone?" I said, "Good grief." There were several things I disagreed with and a few more I knew would be misunderstood by readers. But I'm no expert on men, nor am I a man attempting to navigate today's church culture. I decided we'd let Murrow make his case. I told Martha to (after a few edits — we're not masochists) run the article; then I prayed. You may have read the piece and formed your opinion already — or maybe not. Either way, listen in as several of us react to the article and its particulars. Then tell us what you think about this thorny "men and the church" business.
Jesus vs. Religion -- 28:18
Almost 17 million views. That's the latest tally for 22-year-old Jefferson Bethke's YouTube video of his spoken word poem "Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus." He thought a couple thousand people would see it; he was wrong. He was also unprepared for the debate it sparked. I called Jeff to talk about his intent behind the video, what he really thinks about the church, how it felt to be schooled by Kevin DeYoung, and what he's learned through this experience. He and I also shared an awkward moment, but that's not surprising, is it?
Catholic Conundrum -- 46:26
He's a born-again Catholic, and she's a Protestant. They have a certain level of discomfort with some of each other's faith traditions. Is there room for a relationship here? Glenn Stanton and I look at this couple's future and lay out what's non-negotiable and what's merely a matter of printed prayers vs. pop choruses.
I've done my share of online dating and lived my share of online horror stories. I've also heard friends' stories and could probably write a book chronicling the aggregate of our experience.
The bad news is I've learned some hard lessons in my online dating journey; the good news is you're going to benefit from that fact right here, right now. This post will help you avoid the most common online dating mistakes and save yourself time, money, energy — and perhaps a few personal counseling sessions. You can thank me later.
One of the best ways to assess your online dating prowess is to get feedback from the opposite sex, so that's what we'll do here. I'm going to lay down my top 10 online dating "don'ts" for the men (and thanks to my girlfriends who helped ensure I hit the most important and aggravating ones), and the illustrious Travis Williams, who met his wife online, will do the same for us ladies.
Naturally, we'll want your take on the lists. If you feel we've missed anything, comment below. If something resonates with you or you have an anecdote to share, do so. And finally, if you disagree, tell us that, too. Our goal is to give everyone the tools they need to do online dating well and maybe give those who've never jumped into the online fray the confidence to do so. So here we go (the items on these lists are in no particular order):
Ten Online Dating "Don'ts" for Men
1) Don't be lazy. An incomplete profile, bad spelling or grammar, trolling the site once a year, or an initial message to a girl that reads, "I like your profile; tell me more about yourself" is lazy. Women don't like lazy. Are you in it to win it? Prove it.
2) Don't post stupid photos. Photos that fall into this category include webcam photos, bathroom mirror self-portraits (or any self-portrait — don't you have friends?), photos of your bare chest and photos with your ex cropped out. Likewise, don't post photos that are misleading. If you're a classical pianist who loves to cook, a photo of you in leather on a Harley may be funny to you and your friends, but we girls won't get it. No, really — we won't.
3) Don't broadcast unrealistic expectations. Guys' lists of "must haves" can be pretty long, and I've seen it all: Must be a virgin, must be younger than I, must love to work out. Seriously? Are you prepared to meet the same standards? Expectations like this run the risk of being unhealthy, ungodly and extremely limiting. I know very few women who "love" to work out; I know many (like me) who do because we know it's a good thing. If you want someone with a hot body, just say so; that's at least honest. Then we women can in good conscience reject you for being too shallow.
4) Don't be vague. I've seen very few guys online who really stand out. Most say some variation of the following: "I like to hang out with friends, snowboard and drink microbrews. My best buddy is my dog, and I can't live without my truck." Oh, and every guy online is "laid back." Where the vaguery really gets irritating is when it's in the area of faith. I should be able to differentiate your profile from a non-Christian's or even a nominal Christian's. Say something substantive, guys. Tell me about your church, your accountability group or what you're studying in your quiet time. That's hot. However...
5) Don't preach, judge, share doctrinal treatises or brag about your perceived spiritual maturity. One guy I met online sent me 46 Scripture references (including some from Ephesians 5, naturally) telling me to read them and let him know when I had completed the task. He also said, "Please read them only in the King James Version." He's probably still waiting for me to get back to him.
6) Don't be a downer. I'm sorry about your past breakups and divorces; I really am. But I don't want to walk through the details of them with you in our first conversation. Nor do I want to read about them in your profile. Just list the important facts and leave it at that. (Like the fact you are divorced; that I want to know.) Similarly, I don't want to hear how discouraging your dating life has been or your musings on why women aren't attracted to you. I don't want to hear that girls only like "bad boys," and if there weren't algorithms for attractiveness then you would have every woman in the world falling at your feet because you're so amazing in every other respect. You know what's attractive? Confidence and self-respect. Get some.
7) Don't ask her for more pictures. This is an immediate "creeper" alert. If I've got eight good-quality photos up on the site and he emails me saying, "Can you send me more pictures?" my first thought is, Why? My second thought is, Is this guy in prison, and if not, should he be?
8) Don't "wink." This is the dumbest online feature ever. If you're in it to win it (see No. 1), then why are you wasting time and money by doing the online equivalent of the cheesy pickup line? I never respond to winks. Don't do it, guys. Ever. EVER. Send her a message and formally introduce her to your charming self.
9) Don't be impatient. Has it been a couple days since you first emailed her, and she has yet to respond? Don't sweat it. She may be busy, or traveling, or taking time to craft an answer, or ignoring you altogether. Remember, you don't have to contact us, and we don't have to answer you. Don't worry about it, just continue looking; there are plenty more fish in the online sea. And if she gets back to you in two weeks, you can determine if her reason for the lag is legit.
10) Don't make a lame exit. The most common example of this is what I call "the fade." You want to stop communicating, so you do. But you do it by disappearing with no explanation. If you've only talked briefly and superficially, no biggie. But if you've been in communication for a few weeks and you've decided to let go, be a man and tell her so. On the flip side, if you want to move the online relationship to the next level (e.g. to the phone or meeting in person), do it. Don't languish online forever as a goofy, going-nowhere penpal. Have a plan and put it in motion. She'll let you know if you're moving too fast.
That's what I've got for you, guys. What do you think? And now, ladies, lest you think you're off the hook, here's what Travis has to say to you:
Ten Online Dating "Don'ts" for Women
1) Don’t use misleading photos. I know I’ll catch flak for this one but will step out in faith that some guys will agree with me. Ladies, your photos can be important for guys. It’s so important that I have to break it down into four parts:
The Yearbook: You may have looked great in your senior photos, but you’re 27 now – show who you are today.
The I’m in here somewhere: Be careful about group shots. Yes, I’m talking about the pictures of you and your friends standing together in bridesmaid dresses.
The it’s not my baby: Avoid the urge to put the photo of you and your newborn nephew. You think it communicates that you love kids, but a guy will think it is your kid.
The my hair is the background: Use Glamour Shots for your Facebook profile, but refrain from using them in your dating profile. Be real. Be who you are. Be glamorous if that’s who you are — without the airbrush.
The I’m just not into me or the I’m way too into me. Both can backfire. If you’re going for sweats and a fuzzy webcam shot, you’ll get overlooked. Likewise, if you’re going for the bronzed bikini photo – you’ll get noticed, but you won’t be taken seriously.
2) Don’t be afraid to talk about something other than coffee, Diet Coke, flip-flops and how you love to travel. Nearly all women love those things. What makes you distinct?
3) Don’t be pushy or badger. Being overly aggressive online works as well as it does in any other environment – it doesn’t. What do I mean by overly aggressive? Well, it could mean the poke, the prod, the push, the nasty email on why I haven’t responded, the nagging to respond, the desperate call to communicate. As hard as it may be, let your profile do a lot of the initial talking by making it easy and appealing for a guy to lead.
4) Don’t act like you’re doing the world a favor. You may have been a pageant queen, but it’s not going to translate well online. Being smug or pretentious is not attractive, and it comes across louder online than it does in real life. For example, if your laundry list of requirements for a guy who can date you is longer than your actual profile, you probably fit the bill of what I’m talking about. Finding a mate is just as much about the person on the other end of the line as it is about you. If it’s just about you, why do you need a guy?
5) Don’t be unrealistic. Just because you have a match and received an email does not mean that you will be walking down the aisle soon. In fact, take that mental picture from your mind right now. Relax. Just because you connect online does not mean you’ll connect face to face. In fact, I believe most guys won’t lock in on relationship status until after they meet you face to face.
But if you want to scare a guy away on your first face-to-face meeting, picture him in a tuxedo. You may think it doesn’t show, but trust me a guy can read it. Guys may not be good at reading too many signals, but knowing that you see him walking you down the aisle soon – guys can read that one! The point is that online dating is a tool that helps you meet someone. Be realistic and realize that relationships still take time and work, and there is no magic formula to bypass that process.
6) Don’t be afraid to try new things. You make small changes every day. Why not change up your profile and try new things that express your personality? A page cannot contain who you are. Understand that your page is you at that moment in time. Feel free to reference current happenings from time to time as these may help you find a connection. Your goal should be to find as much common ground online as possible.
Mature people have discussions about the stuff they do not share in common and decide if those things are a deal breaker. I’ve found that most people think that they have all sorts of deal breakers until they actually meet someone with whom they want to have a relationship.
7) Don’t focus on all the little things when the big things are there. Not all guys are great writers. Creating a profile is just as daunting for a guy as it is for a girl. Recognize that some guys are truly doing their best. Try to discern who is a good guy by what they are trying to say, not what they actually say. Most guys online are not doing it with their buddies like many of the ladies are. They are flying solo and have little feedback. Grant a little grace and see the big picture. A misplaced comma or misused word does not mean they won’t be a good guy and that they are not smart.
8) Don’t forget to trust God. God can work through online dating sites. It’s true. But online dating sites can create all kinds of weird emotions that distract us from what God is doing. Put your attempts at meeting someone online in God’s hands. Trust Him when you accept an invitation to have a conversation. Trust Him when you close people out. Trust Him when the guy you thought liked you doesn’t call you back. Do what you can do, and allow God to do what only He can do.
9) Don’t let your past define you. If you’ve dealt seriously with sins and mistakes you’ve made in the past, leave them off your profile. If you’ve sought God’s forgiveness and the forgiveness of others, then live as if you are forgiven. I’m not saying to be dishonest about your past, but allow a guy to know you for who you are today not as you were. Your conversations about your past should happen face to face. That takes courage, but in my view it’s better than allowing a guy or yourself to define who you are by who you were.
10) Don’t over-do anything on your profile. Remember you have limited space to communicate you. Everything you do or don’t do in that space communicates something. A colleague of mine asked me to review her profile, and the only thing I learned about her was that she liked food. She liked food so much that she mentioned food or a variation of food five times in her profile. Five times.
If there was a guy looking for a cardiac arrest, he could have found her, but the truth is that she had much more to offer. Food was just the tip of the iceberg and a boring tip at that.
My point is that I want you to tell your best story. If you are only about one thing and one thing only, go for it; you’ve just limited your matches. What I’ve found is that most people are more diverse than they communicate. The more you can show that diversity of who you are, the more you will have in common with guys. The more common ground you have on paper, the more likely you’ll meet in person. That, in my opinion, is your goal. Staying online and not moving into face-to-face conversation will not help you in building a relationship that leads to marriage.
***
Want to try online dating? Meet thousands of other Christian singles at ChristianCafe. Boundless readers can receive four extra days to the free trial. Learn more at ChristianCafe.com.
It's been awhile since I've tackled dating in my posts, and I tend to harp on the men when I do, so I thought I'd talk instead to the women about one thing that really speaks to a man early on in a dating relationship: letting him come to the rescue.
Though marriage is the bigger ballgame, dating is minor league preparation; if you see a guy as husband material, then granting him the role of rescuer early on will build faith in the things he'll be responsible for within marriage.
My fiancée is fond of saying that she can do anything a man can do, but she doesn't want to. When I first heard her say that, I didn't know what to think. Was I missing something here? Did she demand to be waited on hand and foot so long as she deemed me worthy of keeping around? Not at all; in fact it was quite the opposite. Though she didn't depend on me, she was inviting my inner rescuer to complement her needs well ahead of marriage. And that’s huge for a guy. Can she get her own door? Of course. Can she hang that photo on the wall? Yes. But the point is, ladies, crucial to a man's pursuit is allowing him the occasional rescue.
Men are wired to be doers — fixers, tinkerers and refiners. We love to study the technical: the engineering of a car, the source code of a webpage, the wiring of a surround sound system or the stats of an NFL team. And as godly men, we’re created to be students of a much deeper kind — of the woman we will eventually marry so that we may know her heart, provide for her safety and lay down our lives. The Hebrew word yada translates as “to know” and is used hundreds of times throughout the Old Testament to define a deeply intimate knowledge and respect, and a yearning to be known. Just as God desires to know us and be known, a man must be allowed to come to a woman's rescue to get to know her heart.
So how can a woman allow that from a man in pursuit of her?
Try taking a scenario at work or school you could otherwise address on your own, and possibly have many times before, and defer to his insight and prayer on that issue. Or instead of hauling your car to the same shop every time there's a problem — or calling a family member — see if he can take a look at it. He may end up taking it to a shop as well, but regardless of outcome you are showing your confidence in his judgment with something valuable, as well as displaying an underlying expectation that you’ll be looking to his leadership down the road in marriage. He needs both.
Ladies, how have you let a man come to your rescue? Do you find it difficult to accept help with things you can do yourself from a guy you are dating?
Not until after college did I truly understand the importance and beauty of “the weekend.” The real world doesn’t allow for snow days, cancelled classes or generous professors. Instead, schedules remain consistent, and responsibilities grow. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it does mean that silent happy dances occur most Fridays around 5 o’clock.
Along with genuinely appreciating Saturdays for the first time, I have also come to have a deep respect and love for Sundays. Growing up, Sundays were sacred in my family. I didn’t like it at the time, but my parents' rules about Sunday were about as strict as any: no going to a friend’s house, no shopping, no eating out, no working, no watching TV before morning church, naps were strongly recommended. (If you didn’t take one, quiet time was mandatory from about 1-3:30 p.m.) And evening church was usually required. Living on a farm out in the country made it easy to keep Sundays sacred. There wasn't anywhere else to go, and the nearest open store was about an hour away. As a child, I was under the impression that the whole world shut down the way we did on Sunday.
When college came, so did the responsibility for me to handle Sundays on my own. Now it was up to me to decide how I would make this day holy. I learned quickly that the world doesn’t shut down, nor does it make it easy to set this day aside. It didn’t take long for me to let this day blur together with the rest of the weekend. There was always a knot of responsibility in my stomach that twisted when I went outside of the guidelines in which I was raised.
Now that I am out of college, my world spins faster than it ever has. It most likely has a lot to do with wedding plans, three part-time jobs and impending future decisions constantly on my mind, but it seems life just keeps getting busier. This has made separating Saturday and Sunday even more difficult. It is easy to get done on Sunday what was procrastinated on Saturday, and eventually the two days get blended together and stamped “the weekend.” Sure, I attend church, but what about those groceries I forgot to get on Saturday or the blazing Jimmy John's sign that screams, “This is freaky faster than making lunch on your own!” Oh! And there is a sale at the mall, and ugh — laundry. Finally somewhere between the Sunday football time clock and the dryer buzzing, you realize it is 7 p.m. Where did the day of rest go? Did I even rest?
I found a sense of freedom and liberty in college when I was first able to spend my Sundays doing what I wanted and not what my family expected. But as I grow up, and it is less about discovery and more about respect, I realize forced Sunday naps and unplugged TVs might not be such a bad idea. Not only is a day of rest necessary for our physical health, but God demands it for our spiritual health.
As my fiancé and I continue to prepare for our upcoming wedding, topics like these arise. How will we pave the way for our own family? We have come to realize our time of discovery is up, and now it is time to make these decisions on our own. Whose family’s Sunday traditions will we keep?
Even if you aren’t engaged, how are you making these decisions as an adult? How do you plan to (or already) remember the Sabbath day? What traditions do you plan to set in place for your future family?
Hat tip to my mom for this one. She was reading Maya Angelou's I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings when this section caught her eye. We pick up the scene at the end of a day of picking cotton:
"Evening, Sister Henderson. Well, back where we started, huh?"
"Yes, sir, Brother Stewart. Back where you started, bless the Lord." Momma could not take the smallest achievement for granted. People whose history and future were threatened each day by extinction considered that it was only by divine intervention that they were able to live at all. I find it interesting that the meanest life, the poorest existence, is attributed to God's will, but as human beings become more affluent, as their living standard and style begin to ascend the material scale, God descends the scale of responsibility at a commensurate speed.
Ain't it the truth. Which brings to mind a thought I've often had.
Even Americans who still acknowledge God tend to talk as if prosperity is a straight-up blessing. I think, rather, it's a mixed blessing, with obvious benefits but real costs, too — social and spiritual. It may even be a form of judgment: If we would reject God and imagine that man is self-sufficient, God may give us over to that inclination. Conversely, if God brings our affluence to an end, it may be a punishment, but it may also be an act of mercy.
In all this, I stress the word "may." We can't know what God is doing. This is just a reminder of something I've said before:
Prosperity can be blessing or curse — a gift by which God meets our needs and enriches our lives, or a judgment by which He gives us over to decadent self-indulgence. On the flip side, scarcity can be curse or blessing — a rebuke to a rebellious, stiff-necked people, or a loving discipline which God uses to remind us of Who we really depend upon to meet our needs, and of Who and what really matters. There's no hard and fast moral rule about wealth or poverty: It's all about what He does with them.
Well, I've been in Ohio for the past week — I know you're very jealous. I was on an awesome and exhausting speaking trip with Axis, a ministry devoted to helping people move from apathy to compassionate action. (Listen to some folks from Axis on The Boundless Show.)
We spoke to the entire student body of Cedarville University for a couple of days, and we also got to speak to a high school leadership conference and in a church setting. We talked about the problem of evil, doubt, and we asked questions of the worldviews of naturalism (atheism), spiritualism (eastern religions like Buddhism and Hinduism) and theism (Christianity). We spoke 11 different times last week, so I'm completely worn out, but also so encouraged by the great people we got to meet and the "underage thinking" we were able to encourage in students.
I've been on the board of directors with Axis since the nonprofit started about five years ago. They go around the country speaking to students and parents about unquestioned answers and the validity of the Christian worldview. Many students fall away from their faith when they go to college — before they get to a university campus, they've never been asked tough questions about their faith or forced to think through why they believe what they believe. So we talk about different worldviews out there; we see how they answer big questions about origin, reality, purpose, identity, ethics and death. We show tons of media clips — the latest songs, movies, video games, etc. — to see how popular culture is answering these questions. (Hint: not usually in the best way.)
One of the things that stood out to me the most this past week was how easy it is for me as a Christian to live out the big questions of life from the point of view of naturalism or spiritualism. Sure, if someone asked me about my identity as a person, I would say it is in Christ, that it is to bear the image of God and be in relationship with Him and others. But do I live out my purpose like the world does?
There's a popular Bruno Mars song right now called "It Will Rain." In the song, he says that if his girlfriend ever leaves him, no religion will save him, and she might as well leave morphine at his door so he can medicate himself into oblivion. His identity is completely wrapped up in a relationship. So, I might say that my identity is in Christ, but do I live like it's found in other people?
Another example that struck me had to do with spiritualism. One of the things encouraged by this worldview is to follow our hearts when making decisions. Now, I know that I say I look to the Scripture in all my decision-making, but do I? Or do I go with my gut or ignore what the Holy Spirit is telling me in favor of what I want to do or what feels right? When we asked this question in our presentation, we looked at clips from Oprah and Thumbelina that encouraged us to follow our hearts when making decisions. We looked at the cover of People Magazine which had one of ABCs Bachelorettes claiming that she had to follow her heart when choosing a guy. And then we looked at a clip of Mr. Burns, the rich old man from The Simpsons who is being asked by the townspeople to provide electricity for those in need. They give him all kinds of reasons, and then they finish by telling him to just follow his heart. The next scene is them being run out of his mansion by viscious dogs. Mr. Burns' heart is evil, so when he followed it, the consequences were negative. The same is true of me. My heart is wicked; it often desires the things that will harm me.
Axis is all about helping people think through their faith — belief and action. Del Tackett, creator of The Truth Project, always asks if we "really believe that what we believe is really real." Because if we do, our lives will show it. Do I say I believe the tenents of Christianity but live as a practical atheist? My actions will show my true beliefs.
So, that was my week! Crazy, but so good.The presentations are so fast-paced and engaging, and they really get students thinking and challenged in new ways. If you have any connections with your church or a high school or college, you should consider having Axis come out for a speaking gig. (They might even let me come with, and then we could be real, live friends!)
Are there some ways that you might be claiming the truths of Christianity but practically living out another worldview?
In 1998, I met I woman whom I’ll call Laura. Now, if you’ve read any of my other blogs, you might recall I suffered through an inglorious history of romantic flameouts. My three-month relationship with Laura was the lone exception, the only serious romantic relationship I had before meeting my wife five years later. It was also a relationship in which I learned a surprising lesson about trusting God.
Things began dramatically, and they seemed to have God’s fingerprints all over them. I had been meeting with a friend for a one-on-one Bible study, and one night after or time together he invited me to attend an event with his singles' group. I tagged along … and noticed Laura.
Now, because of the aforementioned inglorious history of immediately pulling the trigger with explosively bad results when I was attracted to someone, I decided I would actually talk to God first (which I hadn’t always done). I prayed a version of a fleece prayer, asking God to bring us back into contact with each other. If that happened, I would take it as a sign that I was free to proceed.
You know what happened: Three days later I ran into Laura at a coffee shop. Glory, Hallelujah, God answers prayers, I thought. Surely He wouldn’t have answered my prayer so quickly (and, believe me, other prayers had gone years without answers) if it wasn’t meant to be, right? Confident in God’s providential leading, I introduced myself, then tracked down her phone number through my friend and asked her out.
Unlike my other romantic misadventures, this one went smoothly. Before I knew it, Laura and I passed the three-date threshold, a line I’d never gotten past before. Things were going well.
As we got to know each other, however, two concerns lingered in the back of my mind. First, we were very different, personality-wise. I loved the abstract world of ideas, while Laura was very concrete. That often made communication really hard. Second, I was very involved in ministry at my church, while Laura was quite shy. Being around large groups of people wasn’t her favorite thing.
I talked about those concerns, and it turned out she had concerns about me, too. I was relieved that we both needed some more time to work through our questions.
Let me accelerate the story: Two months later, Laura’s doubts about me had been allayed. Mine, however, remained. I was having an increasingly hard time projecting the relationship into the future — even though we’d unwisely wandered into some conversations about the possibility of marriage.
Though I’d been praying for God’s guidance throughout, I intensified my praying. I wanted to know what He wanted me to do, and I was convinced He would have a clear answer. It turns out He did have a clear answer — just not the one I was expecting.
God didn’t say, “I want you to get married to Laura.” Nor did He say, “I want you to break up.” Instead, I sensed that His Spirit gently said something like this: “Adam, you’re free to choose. You and Laura have some big differences, but if you choose to get married, I’ll help you through those. And if you choose to break things off, it will hurt, but I’ll take care of both of you. What I really want is for you to trust Me.”
That night, I realized that God was more interested in whether I was trusting Him than which fork in the road I took. He had given me freedom to choose, but He wanted me to make my choice in faith, depending on Him. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, but I chose to break things off with Laura.
There certainly may be times when God wants us to make a particular choice, to say yes to this job or no to this person. And we have a responsibility to come before Him, to seek Him for His guidance. That said, I think much of the time God may actually be more concerned with how we are making our choices — whether we’re trusting Him or not — than what we actually choose (as long as we’re not making obviously sinful or clearly unbiblical choices, that is).
A Providential Postscript: Breaking up with Laura was awful, but after several months apart, we were able to touch base to see how the other person was doing. If there’s such a thing as a “good” breakup, I think we had one. A couple of years later, Laura met a guy in the military, got married and soon moved to Germany. I assumed I’d never see her again. Then I got married, too. Fast-forward a few more years, and one day Laura and her husband show up at the church my wife and I attend. I became friends with her husband, and our kids are about the same age. God did indeed work things out, just as He’d promised, though I never could have envisioned that was how He would answer my prayers years down the road.
One of my favorite things to do is attend seminars and conferences. I love the teaching. I love worshipping with thousands of other believers. I love browsing the book tables. And let's not forget about the free stuff and door prizes in the exhibit hall.
As you make plans for 2012, consider attending a conference that will boost your spiritual growth. Here are a few coming up that caught my interest:
Purpose: To consider how the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ influences our wallets, our conversations, our relationships, our ministries … our entire lives.
$59-99
Speakers: David Platt, Kevin DeYoung, Al Mohler and Russell Moore
Purpose: Believing the Gospel of Jesus Christ has been misrepresented, misunderstood and marginalized in many churches and among those who proclaim the name of Christ, the goal of this conference is to reaffirm this central doctrine of the Christian faith and to encourage local churches to do the same.
$249-329*
Speakers: Mark Dever, Ligon Duncan, C. J. Mahaney, Albert Mohler, Thabiti Anyabwile, John Piper, Matt Chandler, Kevin DeYoung and David Platt
Purpose: To learn more of what Scripture says to women, to dig deeper into God's character and His purpose for His people, and to gather together and share biblical encouragement.
$150-175*
Speakers: Kristie Anyabwile, Mindy Belz, Paige Benton Brown, Don Carson, Lauren Chandler, Nancy Leigh DeMoss, Kathy and Tim Keller, Karen Loritts, Carolyn Mahaney, Mary K. Mohler, Jani Ortlund, Noel and John Piper, and many more
When someone says he's "lovin' life," it usually means things are going well, circumstances are exciting and rewarding, and he's all-around happy and content. That's cool, but we all know that times like that are elusive and unpredictable.
A better way to love life is to love those living it. This is a more difficult challenge than rolling on the giddy wave of good times, but it's a lot more worthwhile. We're in the middle of Sanctity of Human Life Month, and Jan. 22 (this weekend!) marks Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. It's a great time to think about how proactively we value, support and defend human life in our culture and community.
How are you "lovin' life" in a way that honors God and sees His image in the faces of those He created? For ideas and inspiration, check out Focus' www.beavoice.net.
A Sanctity Update -- 00:00
There's a lot going on in the world of sanctity efforts and causes; are you up to speed? How can life be honored in 1:1 relationships? What's the latest news on sanctity and human dignity issues in the public square? Rising Voice's Dawn McBane and CitizenLink's Carrie Earll are here to break down the latest news on everything from abortion to human trafficking to elder care, so get ready to move from overwhelmed to empowered as we celebrate life and the God who grants it.
Beauty From Ashes -- 18:59
Leah Cangelose had two unplanned pregnancies, one with a high school boyfriend and one a result of rape. Each pregnancy left Leah with a choice. For Leah, one choice resulted in a son while the other choice ended in abortion. Reeling from feelings of worthlessness and shame, Leah continued a downward spiral of partying, drugs and unhealthy relationships. Only after a fresh encounter with Christ did she find the acceptance and forgiveness she longed for. Leah shares her story with us here and offers hope to those who think God's grace doesn't reach far enough to touch their story.
Second Thoughts -- 50:58
After dating almost a year, she's having doubts. Is he really the one she's supposed to marry? How will she know? Candice enters the fray to make sure our listener is not only getting the right answers, but that she's asking the right questions.
This week's music is from the Sonflowerz' album By Faith.
This clever YouTubevideo has been making the social media rounds, highlighting the tension between Jesus and the religious thought of His (and our) day. As of this writing, it has over 15 million views. And while it’s not a theological masterpiece (see Kevin DeYoung's blog post "Does Jesus Hate Religion? Kinda, Sorta, Not Really") I admire Jefferson Bethke’s (the author) heart for the Gospel and his artistic way of reaching believers, non-believers and seekers alike through an artistic format.
Making a clear distinction between self-righteous religion and what Christ represents is a great discussion topic for those who mistakenly believe the two are one in the same. The video’s first line, “What if I told you Jesus came to abolish religion?” states that thesis clearly enough: What Jesus stood for was in stark contrast to what religious leaders thought was honoring to God, and we can never measure up to those standards on our own.
In his second stanza, Bethke decries conflicts and wars begun in the name of religion, and even makes a jab at megachurches with the funding for expensive buildings but not the needs of the poor. He encompasses a lot in those statements one could take issue with, but his larger point is not without merit as there are examples of excess. Issues aside, that statement speaks more to those with an already negative view of the church proper.
The video goes on to paint man-made religion and Jesus in opposing corners, with religion’s emphasis on outward behavior and God’s on the heart. And though this is nothing new to the Christian community — recalling Jesus’ metaphor of the Pharisees displaying a squeaky clean image despite internal wickedness (Luke 11:39) — we must be careful to make the distinction between false religion (works-based self-righteousness that is anchored in pride) and organized religion (a fellowship of believers that incorporates creeds, sacraments, observances, healthy traditions, discipline and more — something Jesus himself practiced.) Furthermore, maybe we Christians aren't the audience that would get the most from a video like this, though a gut check certainly never hurts.
I’d like to think that somewhere in those 15 million views, a curious non-believer or skeptic was able to learn exponentially about Jesus' character through Bethke’s four-minute spoken word poem in a way they never would have otherwise. They may discover that this submissive, turn-the-other-cheek teacher was just as disgusted by the hypocrisy and meaningless ritual in His day that they are today. And to them, that may just be intriguing enough to explore further.
What was your first impression of Bethke’s video?
Next week on The Boundless Show, Lisa Anderson will interview Jefferson Bethke. Be sure to tune in and hear more of his personal testimony and the impact of his YouTube hit.
I hadn't started going to church when I first read C.S. Lewis' The Screwtape Letters, but the book grabbed me instantly. I saw so much in there that I recognized from my own life. It started right in the first chapter, with the devil's tale of an atheist who was beginning to have doubts about his atheism:
I struck instantly at the part of the man which I had best under my control, and suggested that it was just about time he had some lunch. The Enemy presumably made the counter-suggestion (you know how one can never quite overhear what He says to them?) that this was more important than lunch. At least I think that must have been His line, for when I said, "Quite. In fact much too important to tackle at the end of a morning," the patient brightened up considerably; and by the time I had added "Much better come back after lunch and go into it with a fresh mind," he was already halfway to the door. Once he was in the street the battle was won.
Oh, yeah: That sounded familiar. I wasn't an atheist, but I hadn't gotten serious about Christianity either, and I knew how easily, and often, I let myself get distracted from thinking about it. How often a delay till "after lunch" meant "postponed indefinitely." I'd love to say that I resolved on the spot to change that and went to church next chance I got. Actually, that didn't happen till several years later.
Needless to say, distraction doesn't go away when you become a Christian. In fact, one of the devil's favorite tricks is to make you feel that since you are a Christian, the important part is taken care of, and you can coast through life the rest of the way. (Sort of the way you may feel about a college class when you're done: "I took it, I passed, now I don't have to think about it all the time any more.") Besides, Christians can be far from eager to listen to God: We know from experience that sometimes He tells us things we don't want to hear.
We've done posts on procrastination before, but let's make this discussion a bit more specific: spiritual procrastination. What spiritual issues in your life have you put off thinking about?
Ten years ago, a few college buddies and I gathered with 30-40 other students in our Student Union and settled in for a night of music. Many local artists would occasionally pass through and bless us with their abilities. On one particular evening, an artist named Josh Garrels, guitar in hand, played us a set of his original songs. It was unlike anything I’d ever heard. I remember being impressed with the depth of his lyrics and uniqueness of his sound. I remember thinking our small crowd was not close to what his talent’s deserved. It seems I’ve been rounding up fans for Garrels ever since.
From the time of that first Garrels experience, he has released several albums. I’ve always wondered how he hasn’t become more popular. It turns out he just needed a little more time.
Christianity Today recently named Garrel’s newest album, Love & War & the Sea in Between, their 2011 Album of the Year, a well-deserved award. Josh decided to give away his newest album for a year. And it’s a decision he made at the prompting of the Lord. Here’s the CT article describing it:
In the spring of 2011, the album was almost ready, lacking only Josh's final vocals, arguably his best instrument. But he'd been fighting colds and flu, and lost his voice for four months. He tried antibiotics, vitamins, steam, extra sleep, lots of prayer. Three weeks before the album deadline, Garrels began fasting. One afternoon, while taking a hot bath, he said aloud, "Lord, I pray with this album that no one would rob you of your glory."
Garrels says God's reply was immediate: Are you going to rob me of my glory?
"I almost felt like Job," Garrels says. "All that time, Job had been basically raising his fist to God, saying 'What have you done?' And then when God finally answers, Job's humbled and put in his place. It was that kind of experience for me."
Garrels says he strongly felt God saying, "Give it to me." He says, "It was like an offering. I had to weigh the cost of giving away the most substantial work I'd ever done. It all came to me in about 20 minutes, like this big download. It reached a point where I had to say yes or no, and I had to say it out loud. So I said, 'All right. It's yours.' And I knew that meant I had to give it away for one year, like it was a year of Jubilee."
What a great example of what I’ve always appreciated about Garrels, his continual press into the heart of God. Like in the song “Ulysses,”
Trouble has beset my ways, and wicked winds have blown/ Sirens call my name, they say they’ll ease my pain/ Then break me on the stones/ But true love is the burden that will carry me back home/ Carry me with the, memories of the, beauty I have known/ I’m sailing home to you/ I won’t be long/ By the light of moon I’ll press on
Powerful words that speak of the lies that try to keep our hearts and minds struck on earthly things when what they really want is to just sail home. My favorite song on the new album is “Beyond the Blue.” Again, Garrels points his listeners toward eternity:
Yellow and gold as the new day dawns/ Like a virgin unveiled who waited so long/ To dance and rejoice and sing her song/ And rest in the arms of love so strong/ No one comes unless they’re drawn/ By the voice of desire that leads ‘em along/ To the redemption of what went wrong/ By the blood that covers the innocent one/ No more separation/ Between us
Garrels told CT that his family’s finances are doing well despite giving away 75,000 copies of Love & War & the Sea in Between. Many new fans are discovering him for the very first time, buying up his old albums and heading out to his shows. Garrels is a living example that God can be trusted, no matter how crazy His requests can sometimes seem. And he makes really good music, too.
You can download a free copy of Josh Garrel's new album at JoshGarrels.com
At heart, I am a people-pleaser. I've learned to temper it somewhat through the years, especially where it pertains to areas that conflict with who I know God wants me to be. But it still really bothers me when people don't like me.
In his post "Quit Trying to Prove Yourself," Jon Acuff recounts a recent post on his Facebook wall that got under his skin. In the post, a critic accused Acuff of having "little beliefs." Here's how Acuff was tempted to respond:
[You say] I lack the ability to think big! I just got back from Vietnam, where me and hundreds of people from around the world built two kindergartens. We didn’t figuratively change the world. We literally changed it. And, last year, I quit the industry I’d been in for 12 years to throw everything I had in me at being a full-time author and speaker. I moved my entire family to a new state and left everything we knew behind to go on an absolutely wild adventure. This has been the craziest, most dream-filled, most “holy cow, am I on Fox & Friends live right now trying to help a million people” year of my life. I’ve never dreamed this big before!
I know I've concocted similar defenses in my head when people have criticized me. And usually the underlying motive is that I want people to approve of me; I want them to like me. Acuff continues:
We all bump into criticism. Someone from another department at work tears apart your idea in a meeting. During the holidays, a family member makes a dig at something foolish you did years ago. A stranger leaves an angry comment on your blog.
And in those moments, our deep-seated insecurities get loud. They swell their chests and jump into our hearts and heads, desperate to take the reins of the day. They will instantly tell you that you’ve got to prove yourself. This is your moment; it all comes down to this. You’ve got to prove that you’re a good writer or a good father or a good mother or a good employee or a good whatever.
The thing is, I don't have to prove it. Everyone will not approve of me all the time, but gaining the approval of people shouldn't be my goal in life. My heavenly Father knows the truth about me: both my finer moments and my failures. I don't have to prove myself to Him, and He doesn't ask that I prove myself to others. My worth is found in Him. Acuff draws a similar conclusion, "Asking strangers to give you worth is ultimately a worthless endeavor." Isn't that the truth?
Copyright 2010 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. The Line and Boundless Line are trademarks of Focus on the Family.
Recent Comments