Harps Playing. Clouds Parting. All that Jazz.
by
Motte Brown
on Oct 3, 2006 at 5:17 PM
After reading Steve's post Choosing Obedience over Options, I wonder how many couples are waiting for a burning bush before they know if they've found the one. I wonder if they've ever been taught how to know.
Generally speaking, the way Christians date mirrors society. A couple goes out a few times, they like each other and then spend the next 8 months dating exclusively, looking for some sign to show them whether or not they should get married. The problem is, there is no sign -- harps don't play and clouds don't part. As a result, the months turn into years.
I am certain this would have happened to my wife and me if someone hadn't stepped in with some practical advice after our 8 months of dating. It was similar to the advice Dr. Albert Mohler shared with one of his seminary students when he asked, "How do I know she's the girl I'm supposed to marry?" Dr. Mohler tells this story at the 2004 New Attitude Conference:
So, very quickly, what I said to him, I said, "Well, let's just figure this out from a biblical perspective. ... You are a man, she is a woman, we're headed into positive territory here. ... All right, are you a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ?" and he said, "Absolutely." I said, "Well, Scripture absolutely forbids that you marry anyone who is not. Is she a follower of Jesus? Does she have about her the signs of regeneration? Does she love the Lord?" and he said, "Absolutely." ...
"... What about the body of Christ? ... do your closest Christian friends who know you ... see you bringing out the best and the godliest in each other? Do they see your relationship as a holy thing? ... What about your parents? Do you have godly parents?" He said, "Yes, I have believing parents, so does she." I said, "Well, that's really important. Nobody knows you, right now, better than your own parents. No one knows her better than her own parents. And as they come to know you, and as your parents come to know her, do they see her bringing out the very best in you?" And he said, "Yes, my parents are excited about, her parents are excited about it, all our friends are excited about it."
"Well, go get her, ... sign the papers, what is it you have to do?"
So let's sum up what Dr. Mohler refers to as his "romantic grid."
- You are both members of the opposite sex
- You are both believers evidenced by signs of regeneration
- Your Christian friends bear witness to your edifying relationship
- Your Christian parents believe it to be a good match
If the answer is yes to all of the above, who needs a sign?
1. Christy had the following to say on Sep 9 at 12:40 AM:
Most Christian singles i know are pretty secure about numbers 1, 2, and 4; but have trouble with 3. When hanging out with friends or going to bible studies, the couple will act as if they are not an item, so as not to cause awkwardness, and so their friends often do not get to see them interacting as a couple (i.e. serving together, ministering together) Most churches that i have been to separate "singles" from the rest of the young adults and so we do not always have the advantage of married friends to speak into our lives. I think it is hugely important to have friends and mentors from different age brackets and with different life experiences, but it can be very hard to get to know people you don't obviously share something in common with. It is too easy for young singles to barely talk with older people, married people, wiser people until they "graduate" into those categories. I think as maturing disciples we are called into these relationships and need to pursue wisdom in developing them, and so it is important to recognize and change when a church/body is not doing the best it can to assist in helping its people to form these godly friendships.