Top Ten Reasons Singles Aren't Marrying by Steve Watters on 10/25/2006 at 3:30 PM

Why has the marriage rate dropped 40 percent over the last four decades? Why are people spending less and less of their lives married?

In a new book called The Singlehood Phenomenon, Dr. Tom and Dr. Beverly Rodgers identify what they call the "top ten brutally honest reasons singles aren't getting married." We haven't formally reviewed this book and so I can't speak to all its particulars, but the authors seem to have captured well the top reasons we hear from you and see in the reports that come across our desk.

What do you think of the top ten they've captured?

1. Skepticism about love and marriage
2. Lack of faith in God's provision
3. Unresolved issues from the past
4. Confusion about the rules (of dating/courtship)
5. A poor understanding of the purpose of marriage
6. Fear of getting hurt
7. Wanting the perfect mate
8. Not dealing with prior heartbreak
9. An unbalanced emphasis on career (wanting to get established before getting married)
10. Concern that their marriage will fail

Top Ten Reasons Singles Aren't Marrying by Steve Watters on 10/25/2006 at 3:30 PM

Why has the marriage rate dropped 40 percent over the last four decades? Why are people spending less and less of their lives married?

In a new book called The Singlehood Phenomenon, Dr. Tom and Dr. Beverly Rodgers identify what they call the "top ten brutally honest reasons singles aren't getting married." We haven't formally reviewed this book and so I can't speak to all its particulars, but the authors seem to have captured well the top reasons we hear from you and see in the reports that come across our desk.

What do you think of the top ten they've captured?

1. Skepticism about love and marriage
2. Lack of faith in God's provision
3. Unresolved issues from the past
4. Confusion about the rules (of dating/courtship)
5. A poor understanding of the purpose of marriage
6. Fear of getting hurt
7. Wanting the perfect mate
8. Not dealing with prior heartbreak
9. An unbalanced emphasis on career (wanting to get established before getting married)
10. Concern that their marriage will fail

Comments

[1. LA said the following at 11:01 PM on Dec 7:]

1

I don't have many friends whereby to give an "what I see happening" answer, so I'll give a personal one...

#4 (confusion of dating/courtship rules) plus #'s 6 & 10 (fear of hurt and failure) would apply to me.

Concerning the last two, for years I've been saying jokingly (though I fear it is quite serious) that no man is going to want a "sick mime." (I have a chronic illness and I also do mime - though those two things even conflict.) I truly do fear that no sane man will want me because of my illness as it is a strain on any relationship but especially one so intimate. Yet it is also something which makes needing other people necessary. I also do not want to be a burden on my husband and never able to give as much as I need...

But all those reasons aside, something more practical is at work here... though I have meager social skills to begin with, I don't get a chance much to improve them because I'm never out and about... in other words, I never meet new people. Mostly the people I see are my parents and their Sunday School class friends... Which makes the above reasons/fears a moot point.

[2. AC said the following at 1:59 PM on Dec 8:]

2

Exactly! I have been the single mother of two, one a disabled child, for as long as I can remember. Now that both my children have left home, I can't even imagine where to start leaving behind my past (married to an alcoholic before) let alone worrying about what to do if I meet someone -- the only people I meet are at church (lovely married couples) & work (non-christians). Having said that, I have TOTAL faith in God's provision -- how else would I have survived?!

[3. Todd said the following at 8:57 PM on Mar 3:]

3

I can't beleive they forgot the one reason that accounts for 99% of the reason. BIRTH CONTROL. Women don't need marriage to have sex any more. Marriage has always been an agreement about sex. We will be monogomous and raise the kids together. With birthcontrol everything goes out the window.

[4. Ana Milone said the following at 12:24 PM on Mar 4:]

4

I think they don't want to take that on because then they would actually a real issue unlike kissing/handholding that the "Christian" community in America has adopted as a centerpiece of modern family life.

[5. Paul Jude said the following at 2:53 PM on Jun 7:]

5

This book was meant to target Christian singles, however secular singles who are avoiding marriage in order to "hook-up" could certainly find a reason that applied to their own lives. These reasons are seeking to address a deeper issue than merely looking at the surface can provide. Even the casual sex singles almost always have an unseen motive associated with their destructive behaviors. READ THE BOOK. It has fantastic, objective advise on how to break the single cycle God's way and in God's perfect time.

[6. Christian Singles said the following at 8:10 AM on Dec 20:]

6

#10.Concern that their marriage will fail... would apply to me. I met my fiancee a couple of years ago on a Christian Singles
dating site and I couldn't be happier. However, the topic of " marriage " has recently come up in conversation between us. My spouse and I have a deep connection and share the love of God together- needless to say, we have an abundance of faith in God's provisions. However, as a Christian woman it is my ultimate fear to have married and then divorce. I have voiced my concerns to my other half and until we both feel secure that our marriage will be withstanding, we have both agreed not to wed and potentially desecrate the beauty in the union of husband and wife.

[1. LA said the following at 11:01 PM on Dec 7:]

1

I don't have many friends whereby to give an "what I see happening" answer, so I'll give a personal one...

#4 (confusion of dating/courtship rules) plus #'s 6 & 10 (fear of hurt and failure) would apply to me.

Concerning the last two, for years I've been saying jokingly (though I fear it is quite serious) that no man is going to want a "sick mime." (I have a chronic illness and I also do mime - though those two things even conflict.) I truly do fear that no sane man will want me because of my illness as it is a strain on any relationship but especially one so intimate. Yet it is also something which makes needing other people necessary. I also do not want to be a burden on my husband and never able to give as much as I need...

But all those reasons aside, something more practical is at work here... though I have meager social skills to begin with, I don't get a chance much to improve them because I'm never out and about... in other words, I never meet new people. Mostly the people I see are my parents and their Sunday School class friends... Which makes the above reasons/fears a moot point.

[2. AC said the following at 1:59 PM on Dec 8:]

2

Exactly! I have been the single mother of two, one a disabled child, for as long as I can remember. Now that both my children have left home, I can't even imagine where to start leaving behind my past (married to an alcoholic before) let alone worrying about what to do if I meet someone -- the only people I meet are at church (lovely married couples) & work (non-christians). Having said that, I have TOTAL faith in God's provision -- how else would I have survived?!

[3. Todd said the following at 8:57 PM on Mar 3:]

3

I can't beleive they forgot the one reason that accounts for 99% of the reason. BIRTH CONTROL. Women don't need marriage to have sex any more. Marriage has always been an agreement about sex. We will be monogomous and raise the kids together. With birthcontrol everything goes out the window.

[4. Ana Milone said the following at 12:24 PM on Mar 4:]

4

I think they don't want to take that on because then they would actually a real issue unlike kissing/handholding that the "Christian" community in America has adopted as a centerpiece of modern family life.

[5. Paul Jude said the following at 2:53 PM on Jun 7:]

5

This book was meant to target Christian singles, however secular singles who are avoiding marriage in order to "hook-up" could certainly find a reason that applied to their own lives. These reasons are seeking to address a deeper issue than merely looking at the surface can provide. Even the casual sex singles almost always have an unseen motive associated with their destructive behaviors. READ THE BOOK. It has fantastic, objective advise on how to break the single cycle God's way and in God's perfect time.

[6. Christian Singles said the following at 8:10 AM on Dec 20:]

6

#10.Concern that their marriage will fail... would apply to me. I met my fiancee a couple of years ago on a Christian Singles
dating site and I couldn't be happier. However, the topic of " marriage " has recently come up in conversation between us. My spouse and I have a deep connection and share the love of God together- needless to say, we have an abundance of faith in God's provisions. However, as a Christian woman it is my ultimate fear to have married and then divorce. I have voiced my concerns to my other half and until we both feel secure that our marriage will be withstanding, we have both agreed not to wed and potentially desecrate the beauty in the union of husband and wife.