Ted: Recipient of Church Discipline
by Ted Slater on 11/09/2006 at 2:27 PM
I've been the recipient of church discipline, and am grateful for it. But first, some background....
I've written a few posts addressing Ted Haggard's scandalous sin, most recently commenting that while we're all tempted and reliant on the Lord's grace to resist temptation, falling into such egregious sin is not inevitable.
But sometimes you do. And in some circumstances, church discipline such as Pastor Haggard seems to be undertaking is a good thing.
According to 9Marks, church discipline consists of "formative" and "corrective" aspects, the latter being "that form of discipline which is restorative rather than preventative. It is an exercise of judgment or censure within the church that brings sanctions for behavior that is unacceptable for a member of a Christian church." The site goes on to explain that "[w]arning, correction, rebuke, admonition, and excommunication are the primary forms of corrective discipline."
That's the kind of church discipline Ted Haggard must engage in at this point.
Now, to my story.
Several years ago I was interested in dating a girl, and so I did the right thing and asked her father if that was OK. Though she was also interested in dating me, her father didn't think the timing was right, and so he said no.
I disregarded his counsel, though, and went on to have a secret relationship with his daughter. After several months, we were "discovered." Her father was very upset that I deceived him, a deception that was all the more serious because I served on the church worship team and as such held a position of some prominence in the church. Because I was part of a church that cared about me and about the integrity of its members, it was determined that I should undergo church discipline.
The consequence was that for the next year (in retrospect a fairly short period) I was removed from any position of leadership. No more playing in the church band, something I had cherished. No more playing or touring with Christian author Joshua Harris's house band, the New Attitude Band (of which I had been a member for years).
I had to meet weekly with one of my pastors to explore the depths and consequences of my sin, and to discuss what I was learning from Thomas Watson's seminal book, The Doctrine of Repentance (excerpts here and a review here). I asked forgiveness from the senior pastor of my church for having lived deceptively, and for having led another member of the church into deception. I asked forgiveness from her father (which he graciously extended). And I wasn't allowed to talk with his daughter, except on one or two occasions.
It was a difficult, but blessed, year.
My appreciation for the Lord's grace toward me became overwhelming. I came to understand that repentance is an ongoing attitude and not just something one does at a point in time. I remember finding myself able to better engage with the songs we sang in church, more grateful for Jesus' sufficient sacrifice on the cross, more cautious in my behavior, less judgmental of others, more eager for godly men to speak into my life and hold me accountable.
As it turns out, the father of my "secret girlfriend" was right -- his daughter was not for me.
I am a better man for having gone through church discipline. I am thankful that my pastors cared enough about me to spend time helping me deal deeply and effectively with my sinfully deceptive lifestyle.
It's my prayer that Ted Haggard is able to embrace the opportunity he has before him to undergo church discipline. May he come through this a more repentant and humble and grateful man.
1. Cathy said the following at 11:57 AM on Jun 13
This makes me sad that you went thourhg such a horrible time of authoritarian abuse at the hands of church leadership while justifying it by calling it discipline. Did God Himself convict you of any sin? Was it truly necessary to go to such great lengths to "repent" before leadership? Very legalistic and controlling if you ask me. A friend of mine went through a similar experience and was scarred spiritually. They grilled him for his behavior and broken him down like the military would do - which again, is a control tactic. Did you not recognize this when it was happening? Did no one tell you it was wrong? May God grant you grace as you recover from such an experience brother.
2. Ted Slater said the following at 11:05 AM on Jun 15
Cathy -- thank you for commenting on this old blog post, for giving me a chance to talk about rightful pastoral authority.
No, I was not under "authoritarian" church leadership, and I was not the victim of "abuse" by my pastors. They were neither legalistic nor controlling.
Rather, my pastors were lovingly practicing their rightful authority over me as my pastors, and I'm better off now that they took an interest in my spiritual state and helped me effectively explore how I might repent for the various specific sinful behaviors I had been engaging in.
While some pastors may abuse their rightful authority as leaders over their flock, my situation highlights when pastors take their role seriously. And I'm grateful.
For more on what pastoral authority is, and what it isn't, check out the following:
Obey Your Pastor?
Exploit Your Pastor
Question Authority
I'm interested, Cathy, to know if you think there's ever a time for pastors to discipline those they are discipling.
3. brx said the following at 2:39 PM on Jun 15
Re: Cathy [#1];
I agree some church leaders and communities can be spiritually abusive with their authority, but that doesn't seem to be the case with those involved in Ted's experience.
When righteously done in Christ's authority, church discipline is a delicate and loving intervention with a brother/sister who is on a selfish, destructive path and it's goal is always to be restorative, NOT punitive.
Of course, the restoration process itself requires a number of well-functioning participants to turn out a positive experience like Ted's. First, brothers/sisters must have the courage to _lovingly_ confront each other; then, some must be willing to walk closely _with_ the person through the restoration process; finally, the brother/sister being confronted must become a willing participant. If any of those three components aren't there, the restoration process can't happen and it probably won't be a good experience.
Personally, I've been critical of pastors/leaders who KNEW of sin I was stuck in and yet never asked me about it. And, I'm critical of pastors/leaders who confront or remove someone and NEVER make any efforts to restore them to healthy relationship in the church community.
Bottom line is that church discipline is a delicate issue that requires a lot of grace all around and heavy reliance on the Holy Spirit to work things inspite of everyone's imperfections.
Grace, peace, integrity & trust
4. Trevor Dolby said the following at 3:29 PM on Jun 15
Ted (2): One assumes that, if a young man led one of your daughters astray in a similar way, you would wish the church to treat him the way you were treated :)
I've noticed that discipline makes much more sense to me now I'm the father, rather than the wayward son. You showed some strength of character, I think, in responding with humility in your situation _before_ becoming a father.
5. Paula said the following at 6:56 PM on Jun 15
Thanks for sharing your experience, Ted.
We've probably all seen the effects of poor discipline in the home. Same goes for our church families. I'm glad your church leaders understood their role so well. "Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you." (Deut. 8:5)
6. Lady Akofa said the following at 3:39 AM on Jun 16
Ted, thanks for sharing your experience. It takes a humble heart to graciously take in discipline and accountability from a parent, leader or some other person in authority. I'm impressed, Ted. :)
Definitely, Hebrews 12:1-12 at work. I've personally benefited from such discipline and accountability too. And today, I'm thankful for it.
If many Christians really understood the benefits of discipline - partaking in God's holiness, producing a harvest of righteousness and peace - church leaders would be cautious not to abuse it and believers wouldn't make light of it.
Sure discipline is unpleasant & sometimes bitter but the fruit is so worth it.