Ted: Recipient of Church Discipline by Ted Slater on Nov 9, 2006 at 2:27 PM

I've been the recipient of church discipline, and am grateful for it. But first, some background....

I've written a few posts addressing Ted Haggard's scandalous sin, most recently commenting that while we're all tempted and reliant on the Lord's grace to resist temptation, falling into such egregious sin is not inevitable.

But sometimes you do. And in some circumstances, church discipline such as Pastor Haggard seems to be undertaking is a good thing.

According to 9Marks, church discipline consists of "formative" and "corrective" aspects, the latter being "that form of discipline which is restorative rather than preventative. It is an exercise of judgment or censure within the church that brings sanctions for behavior that is unacceptable for a member of a Christian church." The site goes on to explain that "[w]arning, correction, rebuke, admonition, and excommunication are the primary forms of corrective discipline."

That's the kind of church discipline Ted Haggard must engage in at this point.

Now, to my story.

Several years ago I was interested in dating a girl, and so I did the right thing and asked her father if that was OK. Though she was also interested in dating me, her father didn't think the timing was right, and so he said no.

I disregarded his counsel, though, and went on to have a secret relationship with his daughter. After several months, we were "discovered." Her father was very upset that I deceived him, a deception that was all the more serious because I served on the church worship team and as such held a position of some prominence in the church. Because I was part of a church that cared about me and about the integrity of its members, it was determined that I should undergo church discipline.

The consequence was that for the next year (in retrospect a fairly short period) I was removed from any position of leadership. No more playing in the church band, something I had cherished. No more playing or touring with Christian author Joshua Harris's house band, the New Attitude Band (of which I had been a member for years).

I had to meet weekly with one of my pastors to explore the depths and consequences of my sin, and to discuss what I was learning from Thomas Watson's seminal book, The Doctrine of Repentance (excerpts here and a review here). I asked forgiveness from the senior pastor of my church for having lived deceptively, and for having led another member of the church into deception. I asked forgiveness from her father (which he graciously extended). And I wasn't allowed to talk with his daughter, except on one or two occasions.

It was a difficult, but blessed, year.

My appreciation for the Lord's grace toward me became overwhelming. I came to understand that repentance is an ongoing attitude and not just something one does at a point in time. I remember finding myself able to better engage with the songs we sang in church, more grateful for Jesus' sufficient sacrifice on the cross, more cautious in my behavior, less judgmental of others, more eager for godly men to speak into my life and hold me accountable.

As it turns out, the father of my "secret girlfriend" was right -- his daughter was not for me.

I am a better man for having gone through church discipline. I am thankful that my pastors cared enough about me to spend time helping me deal deeply and effectively with my sinfully deceptive lifestyle.

It's my prayer that Ted Haggard is able to embrace the opportunity he has before him to undergo church discipline. May he come through this a more repentant and humble and grateful man.

Comments

[1. Cathy had the following to say on Jun 13 at 11:57 AM:]

1

This makes me sad that you went thourhg such a horrible time of authoritarian abuse at the hands of church leadership while justifying it by calling it discipline. Did God Himself convict you of any sin? Was it truly necessary to go to such great lengths to "repent" before leadership? Very legalistic and controlling if you ask me. A friend of mine went through a similar experience and was scarred spiritually. They grilled him for his behavior and broken him down like the military would do - which again, is a control tactic. Did you not recognize this when it was happening? Did no one tell you it was wrong? May God grant you grace as you recover from such an experience brother.

[2. Ted Slater had the following to say on Jun 15 at 11:05 AM:]

2

Cathy -- thank you for commenting on this old blog post, for giving me a chance to talk about rightful pastoral authority.

No, I was not under "authoritarian" church leadership, and I was not the victim of "abuse" by my pastors. They were neither legalistic nor controlling.

Rather, my pastors were lovingly practicing their rightful authority over me as my pastors, and I'm better off now that they took an interest in my spiritual state and helped me effectively explore how I might repent for the various specific sinful behaviors I had been engaging in.

While some pastors may abuse their rightful authority as leaders over their flock, my situation highlights when pastors take their role seriously. And I'm grateful.

For more on what pastoral authority is, and what it isn't, check out the following:

Obey Your Pastor?

Exploit Your Pastor

Question Authority

I'm interested, Cathy, to know if you think there's ever a time for pastors to discipline those they are discipling.